


Blurred Vision

by waddiwasiwitch



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Cancer, Possible Character Death, Sick Character, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22244734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waddiwasiwitch/pseuds/waddiwasiwitch
Summary: Roy wakes up in the hospital and gets some frightening news with Riza by his side.
Relationships: Jean Havoc & Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 29
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Mica.
> 
> Please see the tags. This fic may not be for everyone.

_ Chapter One: _

Roy came to, his mind groggy. Riza’s face swam before him and he felt her take his hand. As his vision cleared, he noticed her eyes were concerned and the pinched expression on her face. 

“Ri- Riz - Lieutenant.”

“You absolute idiot,” she whispered. “You were still having those headaches weren’t you?”

He blinked, trying to catch up. “What happened?”

She squeezed his hand. “Don’t you remember?”

His eyes widened and he took in his surroundings. Pale walls, the smell of disinfectant. He was in a hospital bed. Riza was sitting in an uncomfortable-looking chair next to his bed.

He shook his head. “I - I-” 

He tried to think. He remembered walking to his office, his head pounding. He had a headache all day but the pain was getting worse and he was feeling nauseated. He just wanted to get to his office before anyone noticed he was unwell. The last thing he remembered was stepping into the outer office before everything went black. 

“You had a seizure in the office,” she said softly.

“I’m sorry,” he managed.

She brushed his hair from his forehead. “Havoc’s gone to get your doctor. I think they want to take you for a CT scan.”

The door squeaked as a doctor walked in, Havoc at his heels. Havoc stayed in the doorway and smiled at Roy before disappearing into the corridor. The doctor had a solemn expression but given his slicked-back hair and well-trimmed moustache, Roy thought that it might not be unusual. The doctor glanced at Riza and looked questioningly at him. 

Riza got up to go but Roy didn’t let go of her hand. “It’s ok, she can stay.”

She looked relieved as she sat back down on the chair beside his bed.

The doctor glanced down at his clipboard. “General Mustang, we have some concerns from what your…”

“Lieutenant,” Roy supplied.

“Your Lieutenant told us you were having headaches recently.”

“Yes,” he said, “I was temporarily blind and I’ve had headaches on and off since.” His mouth felt incredibly dry. Riza poured him a glass of water and pressed it into his hands. He took a sip and continued. “Uh - I suppose they have been worse lately but I figured I was just stressed, what with the Ishval project.”

“And she said you were experiencing some memory lapses or confusion. Is that correct?”

He could feel both Riza and doctor watching him. His heart hammered hard in his chest.

“Maybe I’ve been forgetful but again I figured it was stress. I’ve not been sleeping properly either.”

His hands were shaking and he handed the glass to Riza to put back on the side table.

The doctor frowned and scribbled something on the clipboard. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what the doctor had to say. He had that look on his face, the one Roy recognised as accompanying bad news. He had worn it often enough when he delivered bad news to families. 

He reached for Riza’s hand again and she squeezed his reassuringly.

“Alright, General,” the doctor continued, “I’m going to ask you some questions and then I’m going to send you for a scan. We suspect you may have a brain tumour.”

_ A brain tumour?  _ Roy shook his head.  _ No, it can’t be. _

Roy mechanically answered the questions. He concentrated on the feel of Riza’s hand in his. 

At first, it was just headaches. That was nothing new. Ever since his vision had been restored after The Promised Day, it had never been the same. So, he ignored it. 

Blurred vision was another thing and despite the dent to his vanity, Riza had insisted on him seeing an ophthalmologist. The result was a pair of reading glasses that he absolutely hated. 

The headaches continued. It was equivalent exchange after all. He could put up with some discomfort for having his vision back. 

Some memory loss, forgetting his keys, losing important paperwork; he found reasons to rationalise it all. 

General Roy Mustang didn’t get sick. He had too many things to do. He had a country to change. He had sins to atone for. He didn’t have time for this.

Once the doctor had finished with his questions, he said, “Of course, we can’t confirm anything after the scan but your symptoms do suggest a problem in the brain. We’ll get you in as soon as possible.” He nodded and left the room leaving Roy alone with Riza.

“Seriously, Lieutenant, I’m sure this is all some big overreaction. I suppose it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

She pulled her hand from his. “You had a seizure, Roy. Whatever is wrong is serious.” She straightened her back. “I’m going to brief Havoc. I’ll be back before they take you for your scan.”

* * *

  
  


Havoc walked into the room. “Hey Boss, sorry I can’t match Hawkeye for gentle bedside manner but I’ll try.” 

Roy snorted. “Where is Hawkeye?”

“I made her go and get some food before she ended up in a hospital bed as well.”

Roy nodded. “Thanks, Havoc.”

“You know, Boss, that was pretty scary back there. We were sure you were going to bite your tongue off. Then when you came to, you weren’t making any sense.”

Roy frowned. “I don’t remember any of it.” 

“Hawkeye was the only one that could keep you calm.”

Roy groaned. “Tell me I didn’t do anything too embarrassing.”

“Mum’s the word.” Havoc tapped his nose. “I’m sure Hawkeye will tell you though if you ask.”

“Fucking wonderful.”

“Hawkeye was very worried,” Havoc continued. “She still is. She told me the doc wants to send you for a CT scan.”

“Yeah,” Roy replied. “And they better apologise for making her worry if it’s clear.”

The blond looked him in the eye. “She’s pretty pissed at you too, sir, for hiding your health issues.”

Roy crossed his arms. “Honestly, this is all unnecessary. I’m fine.”

. 

“Well, you won’t be if you piss off Hawkeye. Do us all a favour and be a good patient.”

* * *

  
  


The door to the room opened and the doctor walked in. Roy folded up the newspaper he was reading and Riza looked up from her paperwork.

“General Mustang, we have the results of your CT.”

His stomach churned at the expression on the doctor’s face. 

He took a deep breath and nodded. “What’s the verdict?”

“I’m afraid it looks like you have a growth on the brain,” the doctor began. “We’re unsure at this stage if it’s benign or cancerous. We are calling a neurologist in and we’ll likely need to complete a biopsy to know more.”

_ Cancer?  _ He didn’t hear the rest of what the doctor was saying. Blood rushed to his ears.  _ A brain tumour?  _ He shook his head.  _ No, this wasn’t happening. There must be some mistake. _

“Have you any questions?” he heard the doctor say.

Roy shook his head dumbly.

“Maybe later, Doctor,” Riza said quietly. 

The doctor nodded and Roy turned to Riza. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears but her grip on his hand was steady.

“Send one of the nurses if you need to talk to me,” the doctor said quietly. 

Neither Roy nor Riza answered and the door clicked shut. 

“Oh, Roy,” Riza whispered.

“This can’t be happening.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I have so much to do. I can’t be sick. People are relying on me. I’m supposed to get to the top. To change things.”

She looked him in the eyes. “Then you fight.” She took his hand and brought it to her lips lightly kissing his knuckles. “Whether it’s cancerous or not, this is serious. But you’re strong, you can fight whatever this is. Remember that.”

She was right. He had led a coup against a corrupt government and the Homunculi. He had to do this too.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Roy receiving the shocking diagnosis, Riza is trying to hold it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some changes to the previous chapter because this has been changed to a multi-chapter. No important changes.

**_Chapter Two_ **

Riza shifted in the hard hospital chair. Her back ached and her right leg was beginning to feel as numb as her backside. She rubbed at her eyes. She should probably try to sleep but she didn’t think she could even if she wanted to. 

She glanced at Roy. His eyes were closed but she knew he was only pretending to be sleeping. She wanted him to talk, but at the same time, a selfish part of her was glad that he wasn’t because she didn’t know what to say. 

Roy was sick. Really sick. And she was scared. No - she was terrified. 

_ I can’t lose him. I can’t. _

She was his bodyguard, his protector. She was mean to save him from harm. But this, she couldn’t fight this.

_ You have to be strong. You can’t spiral now. This doesn’t mean he’ll die. It might be a benign growth. Or maybe the doctor got it wrong. Wait for the neurologist before you flip the fuck out. But it’s in his brain. His brain. Either way... _

She bit down hard on her lip and tasted the coppery tang of blood. 

_ No! He’ll be alright.  _

In an effort to bring feeling back into her limbs, she forced herself to stand up. She massaged her numb leg in order to get her blood flowing again. She got the feeling Roy was staring at her but when she looked over, his eyes were still closed. Walking over to the window, she looked out into the darkness. It was 0300 hours, they had been here almost 12 hours now. 12 terrifying hours. 

Although Roy had encouraged her to go home reassuring her he would be fine on his own. There was no way she was going to leave him alone even though she had gotten some disapproving looks from some of the nurses. She wasn’t his wife or even his girlfriend, no matter how much she loved him. The fraternization laws had seen to that. 

Breda had come in to relieve Havoc, who would be back in the morning. The redhead had immediately offered to sit with Roy while she got some much-needed rest. She had declined that offer too. Still, she couldn’t shake off the fear that he could have another seizure or worse. He might be in the right place but the hospital staff couldn’t watch him all the time. She needed to be there.

“Lieutenant?”

She turned her head at Roy’s voice. “Is there something wrong? Do you need me to get a nurse?”

“I’m fine.” Roy sighed. “Riza, I can hear you worrying all the way over here.”

“Of course, I’m worrying,” she said harshly.

He sat up in bed. “Please try and get some sleep. If you’re going to insist on staying here to babysit me, at least try to get some shut-eye.”

She walked back to the torture device chair and sat down. “I will if you will.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “And they say I’m the politician.” 

She smiled for the first time in hours. “I can hold my own.”

“I’ve always admired that about you,” he said. “If things were different-”

Shutting her eyes, she whispered. “I know. I wanted that too.” She grabbed the blanket and the cushion one of the nurses had left to make herself more comfortable. “Damn chair.”

“I could make room for you on the bed if you wanted,” he offered. 

Her lip twitched. “That bed is tiny. Both of us won’t fit.”

“We managed it before,” he pointed out. 

“Yes, well, you have more tubes coming out of you this time.” She pulled the chair closer to the bed. “Do you mind if we talk for a while? I don’t think I could sleep.”

“Alright, as long as we don’t talk about why I’m here. If I keep thinking about that, I won’t sleep.”

She nodded and took his hand. He threaded his fingers through hers and held on tightly. They couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room for long but they could give themselves a reprieve for a few hours. 

“Do you remember when you were studying under my father and we used to sneak into the kitchen at night and tell stories?”

He tilted his head, a little smirk on his too-pale face. “Do you want me to tell you a story, Miss Hawkeye?”

* * *

  
  
  


In the sweet place between sleep and wakefulness, Riza could feel a hand brush against her cheek. She leaned into the touch. It felt nice. Her back ached a little but her face was pressed against something soft and she was warm. 

A door creaked open and Riza to jolt upward. The sudden movement caused pain to shoot up her spine. Blinking, she rubbed at her stiff neck. 

“Excuse me, Lieutenant Hawkeye,” said a voice from behind her. “I need to examine General Mustang.”

She turned her head, ignoring the twinge. Roy was sitting up in the bed and the events of the day before came back to her. She must have fallen asleep when Roy was telling her stories from his childhood.

Her eyes widened. “Sorry, I’ll step out for a moment, I need to go to the restroom anyway.” 

Roy nodded at her and she slipped outside.

“Hawkeye?” Breda was standing on the other side of the corridor. “Have a good nap?”

Her hands went to her hair, which she was sure looked a state. “Ugh, what time is it?”

He checked his watch. “Just gone 0600.”

She nodded. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go to the restroom.”

“Uh, Hawkeye, I know we didn’t get to talk much since I came in. But I can tell it’s pretty serious.”

She nodded but she didn’t want to say any more without Roy’s permission. “He needs to see a specialist before we’ll know anything for sure.”

* * *

  
  
  
  


Riza returned to the hospital room feeling a little more refreshed. Splashing her face with water and running her fingers through her hair would have to do for now. Roy looked up at her entrance. It seemed the nurse had fluffed his pillows.

“What did the nurse say?” she asked taking a seat.

“Just that my temperature is a little high.” He rubbed his temple. “I got more painkillers. Should kick in soon.”

“Perhaps you should rest and close your eyes?”

Shaking his head, he reached for a half-full glass of water on the side table. Yesterday in the office,” he began. “What actually happened when I… you know?”

She swallowed at the memory. “One moment you were talking and the next you were on the floor.” 

He nodded, a pained grimace on his face. “I don’t remember any of it.”

“The doctor said you probably wouldn’t and maybe you never will.”

His expression softened. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“Come to think of it, I think you had been rubbing your temple all day. Like you did just now.”

“I remember that much, I had a pretty bad headache.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why didn’t you say?”

He dipped his head and stared at his glass. 

She clenched her fists hard. It hurt. Hurt that he would hide from her. How could he have kept the continued headaches from her? Why didn’t he talk to a doctor? She might be angry at him for his stubbornness to deal with it on his own but she was furious at herself. Looking back now, she could see the signs.

“Riza, are you alright?” He reached for her hand. 

She let him squeeze it for a moment but she pulled away. “Why are you worried about me, you fool?”

“Riza-” He opened his mouth and seemed to think better of it closing his mouth again. 

“I’m fine,” she said. “It’s just been a shock for all of us.”

“Yeah, not what I expected first thing this morning.” He smiled softly. “Do you think you could get me a newspaper?”

Her eyes widened. “Uh, sure, if you won’t be straining your eyes.”

“I promise that if my headache gets worse,” he said tersely, “I’ll stop, but you know apparently the headaches had more to do with the big tumour in my head and not my vision.”

She blinked. 

Leaving out a sigh, he said, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.”

“No,” her voice was hard, “it wasn’t but nothing about this is fair.”

“Maybe it is?” He gulped down the remainder of his water. “I’ve been living on borrowed time. Should have died in Ishval, should have died on the Promised Day. I - I lost so many people along the way supporting me and maybe it was all for nothing.”

Anger burned through her veins. “Don’t say that! You can’t give up.”

“I’m not giving up.”

She glared at him. “Good because I remember a certain person shouted at me once for giving up when I thought you were dead.”

“But it’s serious, Riza.” He dipped his head. “ Even if I get through this, I still may not be able to become Fuhrer and we have to start thinking about alternatives.”

Air rushed from her lungs and she needed to get out of there. She couldn’t think about that. She stood up suddenly, a wave of dizziness hit her. Somehow, she managed to keep upright. 

“I’ll go get that newspaper.”

She heard him call after her as she left but she didn’t turn around.

* * *

  
  
  


Riza sat there watching Roy’s chest rise and fall as he slept. After she returned with the paper, he had taken it with a quiet thanks. Neither of them wanted to talk about their earlier conversation but she knew they would have to eventually. He had only read the first two pages before he nodded off. She suspected the painkillers the nurse had given him had a sedative effect. Or it could simply have been the exhaustion. 

She was exhausted too, emotionally and physically. Roy being sick had never been part of their plan. He was supposed to get to the top first and repair some of the damage they had done in Ishval. His words about finding alternatives were swimming about in her head. How could he be thinking about that right now?

_ I can’t fall apart. He’s going to be ok. It’s god damn Roy Mustang and he’s as stubborn as hell.  _

Her nails dug into her palms and she pressed a fist to mouth to prevent a sob.

_ Roy needs me to be strong.  _

His reading glasses had slipped down his nose, the newspaper still in his hands. He had been reading when he dozed off. It would be adorable if she wasn’t so worried. She took one of his hands into hers. She lifted it to her lips and kissed it. Tears rolled down her cheeks and a sob left her in spite of herself. He didn’t stir and that was unusual for such a light sleeper. 

_ Oh, Roy. You’ve got to fight this. We can’t do this without you. Amestris needs a fool like you.  _

She shut her eyes. 

_ I need you. _

She heard the door creak open and spotted Havoc in the doorway out of the corner of her eye. He must have swapped with Breda already. Riza turned away quickly, hiding her tear stained face.

“We’re fine, Havoc, you can return to your post.”

She heard rather than saw him enter the room. 

He put his hand on her shoulder. “Riza, you’re crying. Hey.” He gently turned her to face him and made to pull her into his chest. 

Shaking her head, she pulled away and whispered, “Not in here.”

She dropped Roy’s hand and took off his glasses. She placed them on the bedside table while Havoc folded the newspaper. She let her friend lead her from the room. When the door closed behind her, she finally fell against his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her in place when her legs wobbled beneath her.

Havoc held her tighter and rubbed soothing circles into her back. . “Hey, let it all out.”

And she did. All those tears that she had fought were rolling down her face and she started to sob. She should feel guilty for destroying Havoc’s jacket. 

After a few minutes, she managed to calm herself enough to speak. “What if he-”

“Don’t you dare think that?” He bored his eyes into hers. “The General and you have been through hell and back. We’re not going to lose him.”

“We’ll have to put him under orders not to die.”

“Exactly, that’s the spirit.” He gave her another warm hug. “Do you want me to get Rebecca to drop by?”

She shook her head and wiped at her face. Cheeks burning at the emotional breakdown, she pulled away and straightened her spine. 

_ I need to get myself together.  _

Squeezing her shoulder, Havoc gave her a reassuring smile. “You’re not going through this alone, Riza, we’re all here for you both.”

“I’m fine, it’s the General we need to worry about.”

Havoc raised an eyebrow.

Her face flushed. “I’m just having a moment.”

“I don’t know if you two are fucking or not-” he started. She opened her mouth to interrupt but he continued, “but everyone knows how close you two are. So, Lieutenant Hawkeye, quit trying to fool me and accept help when it’s offered.” 

“Havoc, I’m going to ignore the first part of that sentence.” He grinned unrepentantly and her lip twitched. “I appreciate the rest of it though.”

“Don’t make me have to remind you again.” He cleared his throat. “Do you think the Boss will be up to visitors later?”

“I don’t know. We’ll have to ask him when he wakes up. That reminds me, I should tell his aunt.”

“Do you want me to do it?” he asked.

She shook her head, not missing his grimace. “It should probably come from me.” It was the least she owed the woman. She knew Chris would be worried to hear he was hospitalised. Roy was like a son to her and it wouldn’t be fair for Riza to give the job to someone else. She could be a formidable woman if she wanted to find out something.

“Mustang won’t be happy,” Havoc said.

“Exactly why it should come from me. I know how to deal with both of them.”

Havoc rubbed the back of his neck. “When he doesn’t turn up to work today, there are going to be some questions.”

Her shoulders slumped. “Well, people saw him being taken out by paramedics, so I assume there were questions already.”

“Yeah, and we don’t know what to say.”

“For now, we just say he is being kept in hospital and undergoing some tests.”

“That makes sense but-”

“I’ll deal with the Fuhrer if he starts asking questions,” she continued. “I’m not going to discuss it without the General’s permission. Can you wait with him while I'm gone?"

"Of course, I will.” He frowned. “You should go home and have a shower."

Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "Is that your way of saying I smell?" 

"No, but it is a warning for the future.” He chuckled. “Seriously, Riza, you need to look after yourself too. You've been here since he came in. I’ve already been home. He’s in the best place he can be right now." 

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I will go home later, I promise." 

"Ok, and please go eat something before you ring Christmas. Mustang looked like he was out cold."

She smiled. He was a good friend. 

“I promise.”

* * *

  
  
  


After Riza forced herself to wolf down a sandwich and a coffee in the cafeteria, she stopped at the nurse station. She asked for the use of the phone and she connected to the operator. Giving Christmas’s private number, she waited for the phone to connect. The Madam’s clipped tone sounded as she answered the phone. 

“Chris Mustang speaking.”

“Madam, it’s Hawkeye.”

“What’s wrong? It’s Roy isn’t it”

She took a deep breath and tried to keep her tone even. “He got taken ill in the office yesterday and collapsed. The doctors want to keep him under observation and to do some tests.”

“What are you not telling me?” Chris demanded. “It must be serious if you’re calling me.”

“Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it over the phone.” Riza’s chest felt tight. “I want to protect his privacy and I‘d rather not risk being overheard.”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone. She was sure Chris was reading between the lines. 

“I’ll be on the next train to East City.”

Riza felt relieved and glad the woman didn’t question her more but then again Roy’s aunt knew about the importance of a secure phone line. 

“Just do me one thing, Elizabeth, make sure you get yourself some rest because I want to know everything when I get there.”

She didn't doubt it for a moment.

_ To be continued... _

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send all the kudos to talented caesurables on Tumblr for her wonderful art.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy's trying to come to terms with the news and fearful of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest of the chapters yet. Much angst.

_ Chapter Three _

When Roy awoke, he was disappointed to see Havoc sitting in the chair beside his bed. He had hoped for another blonde. He blinked. The last thing he remembered was reading the newspaper. He must have fallen asleep. Despite being drowsy, he hadn’t wanted to admit that to Riza after he had made a fuss about reading the newspaper. He still had his pride.

Havoc was reading his newspaper now, his brow furrowed in concentration. 

“Anything interesting?” Roy asked. “I didn’t get to read much of it earlier.”

Havoc lowered the paper, a little smirk about his lips. “Well, you’re back from the Land of Nod.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Looks like.”

The blonde folded the newspaper and placed it on the bedside locker. “I suppose you’re wondering where Riza is. I made her go get something to eat.”

“Thank you. She needs to look after herself but right now she won’t listen to me. I told her she should go home and get some sleep.”

“She’s worried about you. We all are.”

Roy ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. “Worrying doesn’t change anything.”

“Worrying isn’t voluntary,” Havoc said. “It comes with someone you care about being sick or hurt. So, you’re just going to have to put up with it.”

Roy shook his head. “I don’t know if it is Hawkeye or Catalina that’s rubbing off on you. I’m betting on Catalina.”

The small smirk on Havoc’s face told Roy everything he needed to know. He lifted an eyebrow. “Well, well. How long has that been going on?”

“I won’t confirm or deny anything until you and Hawkeye do.”

Roy scowled and looked around. Thankfully nobody seemed to be milling around the door.

“I strongly suggest you stop speculating especially in public. I am her commanding officer.”

Havoc crossed his arms and looked at him stonily. “If you can’t take the heat, then don’t dish it out.”

“Seriously, Havoc, it is not the same thing and you know it.”

“I know, sir,” Havoc said sharply. “And I don’t gossip. I wouldn’t do that. Besides, there have always been rumours about you two. Even Bradley...”

Roy grimaced his anger abating. “Sorry, I overreacted.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re right of course.” He sat up straighter in his bed. If something happened, he might not be able to protect her. They could ignore the rumours as long as the military couldn’t prove it. As long as he remained her commanding officer. He continued, “It’s just any whiff of a scandal, it’s usually the junior officer that loses their career. Not that there is any scandal, mind you?” 

“Look, Boss…” The blond lowered his voice. “Whatever it is between you, it’s obvious you care deeply for one another. You both need each other.”

Roy’s chest was uncomfortably tight. If the worst came to the worst, who would look after Riza? She was strong and fearless but even she had her limits. He was her weakness, just as she was his. All the more reason for them not to pursue each other. 

“Promise me something, Havoc. You’ll look after her if something happens to me, won’t you? You’ll make sure she doesn’t forget our goals.”

Havoc’s mouth opened and closed. 

“Please, Jean.”

“Sir, you don’t need to ask.” The blond’s voice was thick. “Of course, we will. We all love her like a sister. Like a bossy older sister, but a sister nonetheless.”

Roy sagged back against his pillows. “Thank you.”

Havoc frowned. “Boss, how bad is it?”

“I don’t know yet. They need to do more tests and a biopsy.”

“I’m sorry, Boss.”

Roy didn’t want those words, that pity. He just wanted to know the diagnosis. 

“I understand if you want to tell Catalina but please don’t share it with anybody else just yet. No point worrying anyone until we know what we’re dealing with.”

Havoc shifted in his chair and Roy narrowed his eyes sensing his unease. He better not have told anyone. Perhaps he told Breda since he was on guard duty. I suppose one other person would not matter. He was about to press him further when the door creaked open. 

Roy looked in the direction of the door and smiled. “Feeling more human, Lieutenant?”

“I think I was hungrier than I thought.” She crossed the room and handed him a paper bag. “Brought you back a pastry.”

He opened the bag and peered inside. His mouth watered. “You are too good to me, Hawkeye.”

She really was. Much better than he deserved. 

Her cheeks flushed an adorable pink and Roy’s stomach did a flip flop. 

He had forgotten Havoc was there until he spoke. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’m going to head home.” 

“Thank Havoc,” Roy said.

The other man gave a casual wave over his shoulder and left the room.

Roy turned back to Riza. “You can go home you know. You don’t need to stay,”

“I want to.” She sat in the chair beside his bed. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I was harsh earlier and I should apologise. I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need,” she said softly, “I was out of line too.”

“Two bad things don’t make a right.”

She pulled at her sleeves. “There’s something I should tell you.”

Roy grimaced as the clues fell into place. Havoc acting shifty and Riza making a call. He should’ve known.

“Ah, so the pastry is to soften the blow, huh?” He shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You called my aunt, didn’t you?” 

He opened his eyes again and she looked him in the eye, her chin pulled up defiantly.

Her eyes flashed. “Yes, and I won’t apologise for it.”

“Great - she’ll rush up here now and interrogate me.”

“She deserves to know,” she said, “and I knew you wouldn’t call her. She said she would take the next train.”

So, she would likely arrive late tonight or early tomorrow. Having Chris around was the last thing that he needed. 

“No wonder she likes you,” he muttered. “Both of you enjoy picking on me. I don’t like it but to be honest, I don’t have the energy to be angry at you. I know you mean well.”

He didn’t want to face Chris when he knew that she would be able to pull his mask off and see his vulnerability. He was barely keeping it together in front of Riza, trying to be strong for her. With Chris, she wouldn’t respect his boundaries. She would needle him until it all came spewing forth and he didn’t want to face up to it. That would make it real. This all felt like a dream. A nightmare. What would he do if he had cancer? Even if it wasn’t, the tumour had to be removed, What if he died on the operating table? He could come out the other side with brain damage. 

“Roy?”

Her words jerked him out of his reverie. The look on her face punched him in the gut. She looked so worried and fearful. Hating that he was the cause, he forced a smile and reached out to squeeze her hand. 

“I’m fine. I just need a distraction or two. Lying in a hospital bed and being the nurse’s pincushion isn’t much fun.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Even if they’re pretty nurses.”

“Yeah, but it helps a little. There’s a certain Lieutenant that’s better than any of those nurses.”

She laughed at that but it was a watery one. He tried to pretend he didn’t see her wipe her eyes. 

_ Oh, Riza, I’m sorry _ , he thought. His eyes caught the newspaper discard by Havoc.

He grabbed the newspaper. “How about we do the crossword together, Lieutenant?”

“Together?”

“C’mon, it’s not that unusual. We used to do it all the time when we were kids.”

A small smile bloomed on her face. “Only if you let me do the writing. Your writing is illegible.”

“No, it’s not.” He handed her the newspaper. “Only when I don’t want people to decipher it. Like when I write my alchemy notes.”

* * *

  
  
  


Roy hated waiting around. Give him something to fight and he would put his gloves on. This wasn’t so simple. His own body was fighting him. The crossword provided a much-needed distraction. He and Riza were able to hide in false normalcy for a little while. 

They had just finished the crossword when Breda peered into the hospital room. “ Sorry to interrupt. Hawkeye, Falman is on the phone for you from the front desk.”

“What did I tell you? The office is falling apart without you.”

Riza rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’ll report back with an update, sir.” She followed Breda out into the corridor. Roy picked up the newspaper she had left on the chair, deciding to finish reading it.

“How are you doing, General?”

His head shot up to see his doctor along with a nurse.

“Ah, General Mustang, I wanted to give you an update.” The doctor flashed a smile and advanced into the room. “The specialist should be here the day after tomorrow.”

Roy’s face fell. “That long?”

The doctor patted his arm. “He’s up north, I’m afraid. He’ll be here as quickly as he can.”

“Is there any chance I could go home and come back in. I haven’t had another fit.”

The doctor shook his head and Roy slumped his shoulders.

“With respect, General,” the doctor continued, “your condition could change rapidly and we don’t want to let you go until we know more. You’ll have to stay here and let us monitor the situation.” 

Roy crossed his arms. “I guess I don’t have a choice. But I do have some questions.” 

“Now, General, that’s enough talking,” the nurse said. “You and the good doctor can talk after your check-up. I don’t have all day.”

She shoved a thermometer in his mouth.

* * *

  
  
  
  


Roy felt he had a better grasp of the situation following the discussion with the doctor. When he had been given the news initially, he had been in a state of shock, unable to ask any questions. The doctor had answered as best he could, warning him that the specialist was the person that would be best positioned to answer him. 

“Fuck, another two days of sitting around waiting,” he whined.

“Patience is a virtue, sir.” Riza patted his arm. “I know it’s hard for you to sit still but you know they are right.” 

“It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Well, that’s clear.”

Riza had returned to the chair beside his bed after the conversation with his doctor. For that, he was glad. He had not wanted her to have to listen to it all over again. He was sure she would be irritated at his thoughts about protecting her. She was one of the strongest people he knew. It wasn’t that he thought she couldn’t cope; he just wanted to spare her. 

“So, what exactly did Falman want? You forgot to say.”

“Not to worry,” she said. “Falman was having kittens about some paperwork that he couldn’t find. I told him to check under the files on your desk.”

“Hmm. You should bring me some of my paperwork, Lieutenant? It’s not like I have much to do here in this place.”

“Don’t worry about the paperwork. Your health is more important.”

“I can’t do anything about my health but I can do some paperwork. I don’t want the office to fall behind in its work.”

She arched an eyebrow. “What have you done with the real Roy Mustang?”

He snorted. “I guess the tumour is affecting my brain after all.”

He didn’t miss her wince but she collected herself quickly. 

“You shouldn’t strain yourself,” she said, “but I suppose I could check the office and see if there is anything of high importance.

“You should go home and have a proper sleep tonight. You can drop by the office tomorrow morning before you come here.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue, you can consider that an order.” He softened his voice. “I have to stay here. There is no reason that you shouldn’t have a proper bed to sleep in. Besides, I have a bed. You slept in a chair last night.” 

“You’re right. Somebody should make sure the office is not falling apart and I am sure there will be questions from Command. To be frank, I’m surprised that there haven’t been more questions.” She looked Roy in the eyes. “What should I say?”

“Just say I have to stay in the hospital for a few days to undergo tests. Be vague. It’s nobody’s business.”

She bit at her lip. “What if the Fuhrer asks?”

“I suppose you can tell him if he asks. But I would prefer to wait until after I have seen the specialist if at all possible.”

“Understood.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” he whispered. “What would I do without you?”

Her cheeks an adorable shade of pink, she smiled. He reached to cup her cheek with his right hand. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t stop himself. Her hand went to cover his and she leaned into his touch. 

“Where is he?”

They broke apart quickly at the familiar voice in the corridor. Roy grimaced as Chris Mustang burst into the room. There was a sheen of sweat on her forehead and she was holding a suitcase and a handbag.

“They didn’t want to let me in,” she sneered. “They told me it was after visiting hours.”

Riza took the suitcase from her and put it beside Roy’s bedside locker. “You should sit,” she said to the older woman but she didn’t seem to hear.

“How are you, Roy boy?” Chris’ keen eyes swept her nephew’s form. “It’s serious, isn’t it?” 

He sat up straighter. “I’ve been having headaches for a while now and I had a fit in the office. I am waiting to see a specialist but they won’t be here until Friday. In the meantime, they have loaded me up with painkillers and other medication. They won’t let me leave.”

“So, what’s causing it?”

Roy swallowed and Riza squeezed his hand. “They did a scan and it looks like I have a growth on my brain.”

Chris dropped her purse. “A tumour?”

“That’s why they’re getting a specialist here. They want to do a biopsy, to see if it’s operable and to…”

“See if it’s cancer,” Chris finished. She bent down and picked up her purse. He didn’t miss the tremble in her hands. “This is a good hospital. They’re taking good care of you, I hope.”

He forced a smile. “Yes, if you mean constantly checking up on me and telling me off.” Roy turned to Riza. “Would you mind giving us some privacy? It’s been a long day. You should go home.”

Riza nodded. “Call me if you need anything!”

Chris sat down on the chair that Riza had vacated. “Riza, I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.”

The younger woman chuckled. “He’s always been a difficult patient.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “She's the one to talk. She needs to take care of herself for once.”

“Thank you for calling me, Riza.” Chris smiled. “I’ll stay with him.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Roy said petulantly. “Besides, I have security at the door.” 

Chris waved a finger. “Hush you and shut up.”

Riza caught his gaze and he was struck by the raw emotion in her eyes. “Take care.” He desperately wanted to take her face in his hands again and kiss her with all the feeling he could muster. If only, he could tell her it was all going to be ok. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. “I’ll see you in the morning, sir.”

“Thank you for everything,” he said softly. 

She let go of his hand as if he had burned her. He caught a glimpse of wet eyes as she nodded and rushed from the room. 

Roy looked at the empty doorframe and his heart ached a little. He could see how much this was hurting her and he hated it. He felt better now she was finally going home to sleep and rest. 

Chris fixed her beady eyes on him. “How are you feeling?”

He clucked his tongue. “Exhausted and bored out of my mind. I hate hospitals. And I keep nodding off. Whatever medication they have me on is drowsy.” 

“What sort of medication?” she demanded.

“Something to ensure I don’t have any more fits and painkillers for my head.”

“Tell me everything.”

“As I said, they need to do a biopsy first and they’ll decide then whether I will get surgery.” He dipped his head. “The specialist will be here Friday. We will know more then.”

“Roy,” Chris’ voice was gruff. “Stop it. Be honest with me.” 

“Either way, it’s dangerous, Chris.” He lifted his head. Chris deserved the unvarnished and ugly truth even if he wasn’t quite ready to accept it yet. “Hopefully, it’s benign and it can be removed without damaging my brain. But it might be too late or dangerous to do anything-” 

She closed her eyes. “Brains are complex things. But if there is anyone stubborn enough to fight it, it’s you.”

“I wish it was that simple. I could die on the table even if I get operated on. And even if I get operated on, there’s a chance that I will have brain damage or that I’ll be a different person when I wake up. I could lose everything I worked for and-”

Riza. He couldn’t ask her to stay if he was an invalid. 

And so many people had died in his attempt to get to the top and change Amestris for the better. Was he so arrogant to think that he, and he alone, could be the one person that could change things? 

“Oh, Roy,” Chris’ eyes were filled with tears but also a fire he recognised, “I’m going to find out more about this specialist and make sure he is the best in this country. If we need a second or a third opinion, we’ll get it.” 

“Don’t worry. I damned if I am going to sit here and just let it eat at me.” He lifted his head. “I intend to fight tooth and nail. But I have to be realistic too and take precautions should things not go my way.” 

She threw her arms around him and pulled him into a tight embrace. It hurt a little but he didn’t care. His aunt wasn’t the type to be emotional and it was both comforting and terrifying at once.

“I know I don’t say it very often but you know I love you, right?” 

“I’ve never doubted it.”

She gave him one last squeeze and pulled away. “Poor Riza sounded very shook on the phone. I knew from her voice that she was terrified. She’s a good woman..”

“Yeah, the best,” he said softly, “she has barely left my side since it happened.”

Chris looked in him in the eye. “It’s clear as day you love that woman. Make sure you tell her.”

“Chris, you know that fraternisation rules forbid it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m her C.O.” 

She lifted an eyebrow. “You’re not denying it.”

He glared at her but there was no heat. “There’s no point making things any harder by confirming any feelings. If anything, it makes it harder not to act on them.”

“Well, the Fuhrer can fuck himself,” she spat.

Roy bit back a laugh. “There was a time when you were telling me not to let my emotions or baser instincts ruin my career.”

“True.” Her face softened. “But I didn’t know her as well then. I wasn’t sure if her heart was really yours. She has more than proved herself.”

“She has always been better at hiding her feelings.” He sighed. “You’re right, I do love her but I can’t give her what she wants or needs.”

“Only she can decide that.” Chris rolled her eyes. “Why do some men make martyrs of themselves preaching about how they know what’s best for the woman they love?” She smacked his chest. “Ask her what she wants. Don’t presume to know.”

_ To be continued... _


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca looks after her friend, and Riza returns to the hospital, feeling more rested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, this update has taken a while

_ Chapter Four _

Riza stepped out of the room, knowing that Roy was in the capable hands of his aunt. She was exhausted. Maybe they were right. She felt like she would sleep as soon as her head would hit the pillow.

Breda put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. "Are you ok?"

She shook her head. "Not really." As soon as she said it she was surprised that she had said it aloud. It must be her tiredness, "Sorry."

"You know the General. He's a stubborn son of a bitch. Whatever it is, he will give it hell."

She smiled slightly. "Yeah, I guess that man is stubborn."

"Now, go on home." He put his hands on her shoulders." Let others share the load for now, and Mustang can stop worrying about you."

Shaking her head, she said, "Why is he worried about me? The damn fool."

Breda lifted an eyebrow. "Of course, he is. You two are as bad as each other."

"Riza!"

The blonde turned at the familiar voice. Rebecca set upon her in a blur of dark hair and pulled her into a bone-crunching hug. 

"You're choking me," Riza gasped. Her best friend finally let her go. "Rebecca, what are you doing here?"

"Riza, honey, come and stay with me tonight. I have already picked up Hayate, and we can get some take out on the way home. You are going to eat and have a proper sleep before I let you come back to this place."

"Becca." Her eyes welled up beside herself, and she blinked them away. "Well, Roy -I mean the General- has kicked me out, so I guess I'm at your mercy."

"I'm so happy to hear you admit defeat." Rebecca winked. "I'll never forget this moment."

Riza's lips twitched. "You called her." She looked over her shoulder at Havoc, who appeared behind Rebecca.

"It's been a long day, and there are only two people that you will listen to. One of them is in bed back there, and the other is my amazing girlfriend."

"Fine, I guess you've all got your way."

Riza was greeted by an enthusiastic Black Hayate when she stepped inside Rebecca's apartment. She bent down and picked him up. He let out a whine and licked her face. As always, he could tell she was upset. 

"Good boy," she whispered.

Rebecca hurried them over to the couch and put down the bags of takeaway onto the coffee table.

The dark-haired woman smiled at her friend. "I'm going to get some plates." 

Nodding, Riza sat Hayate down on the couch and sat down beside him. Hayate climbed up onto her lap and nuzzled her arm. Drawing him close, she couldn't help the tears from bursting forth as she took comfort in her pet. She hated this, being so out of control. She was Roy's protector, his bodyguard. But she couldn't help him with this. She never liked leaving Roy's welfare in someone else's hands. But the doctors knew better than she about this. 

Becca returned with the plates and Riza wiped her eyes. Hayate settled back on her lap, Riza forced a smile. "Thanks, Rebecca, you're a good friend."

"Why don't you sort out the food? I'll get us something to drink."

Riza divided the food into two portions. There was a little leftover for seconds.

Rebecca had a bottle of wine and two glasses when she came back. "I know you're tired, but would you have a glass?"

"That sounds great, actually." Riza swallowed the lump in her throat." So, have I missed anything in headquarters while I've been away? I promised Mustang I would check in to the office in the morning."

"I don't know about your office. But there is a new man that's been causing some consternation, particularly among the female staff. Have you met the new Lieutenant Colonel yet?"

Riza shook her head. "The General has, though."

Rebecca waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "Well New Guy is sex on legs, Riza. Chiselled cheekbones, brown eyes to die for and a sexy scar on his eyebrow."

Riza snorted. "Do you think Havoc would appreciate you saying that?"

The brunette shrugged. "I like tall men. Havoc has nothing to fear. Nothing wrong with checking out the menu even if you've decided what you're going to eat."

After the delicious takeout dinner, Riza had a soothing bath. She was feeling almost sleepy by the time she got out. She put herself into the clothes Rebecca had provided and went back into the living room. It was a little too early to go to bed if she wanted to sleep through the night.

Rebecca walked over to her and hugged her. "Come on, Reez, why don't we finish the wine?"

Riza nodded and let Rebecca lead her over to the couch. She took the glass that Rebecca offered her.

"Talk to me, Riza!"

"I'm worried about him," she whispered.

"Of course, you are. You spend your whole life worrying about that man. I hope he appreciates it." 

Riza snorted. "Someone has to. He can be very reckless, the fool. He never worries about himself." She wiped a hand over her face. "I should have noticed that something was wrong with him."

Rebecca's face softened. "You're not a mind reader. None of this is your fault. The chances of a condition like this are low. You couldn't have known."

"Why do I feel guilty, so?"

"Because you take on everybody's pain as your own, and you love him." Rebecca jabbed her in the middle of the chest. "Don't deny it. I may not understand your attraction to him, but I am not blind." Her lips twitched upward. "Is he good in the sack?"

" Becca!" Riza smiled despite herself. "I wouldn't know."

Rebecca lifted an eyebrow. "Really? I would have thought he was a generous lover."

"Oh, shut up. Nothing is going on between us. The General and I have a goal, and we can't rest until we reach it. We made a promise, and we can't let our feelings get in the way."

"You're idiots then."

"There are frat laws which are good reasons for us not to acknowledge this."

"You could work for another superior. Get out of Mustang's direct line of command. You know there are plenty of higher-ups that would hire you."

"I don't want to work for any other superior. And, as I said, we have goals."

Riza took a sip of wine. 

Rebecca lifted an eyebrow. "See you're practically married already."

The blonde almost spat out her wine. 

"Shut up."

Rebecca wrapped an arm around her. "Sweetie, life is too short. Tell him how you feel. Screw the frat laws."

"Looks like you're all loved up." Riza smiled. She was happy for her friend, but it wasn't the same situation. "It's complicated between the General and I. We made a promise to each other after Ishval, and we can't rest until we have achieved our goals. He needs me to watch his back, and I need him to get to the top. We can't risk acting foolishly and compromising our careers."

"I think you're scared to take a chance, both of you. If you can take down Bradley and the Homunculi, I think you can hide a relationship. Besides, everyone thinks you're fucking anyway."

"I wish it was that simple."

"Oh, sweetie, it can be if you let it."

Riza felt a lot more rested after sleeping in a proper bed. She and Rebecca briefly dropped by the office on the way to the hospital. Everything was running smoothly apart from the mounting paperwork, the most pressing of which she took some away with her. She could do them in the hospital, and while she didn't want to burden Roy with paper right now, she might need to run some by him. 

Roy's aunt was in the hospital room when Riza arrived. Roy saw Riza first and smiled. 

"Lieutenant, you hope you slept well."

"I did, sir. Rebecca was a great hostess."

Chris turned around." You're looking a lot better, Riza."

"Save me," Roy mouthed from behind his aunt's back. 

Riza tried not to smile and put down the box of papers. "You should go check into your hotel, Madame. I can keep an eye on this one."

"You could just stay at my apartment, Chris," Roy offered," if you're insistent on staying."

"Nah, I'd prefer to stay in a hotel." 

Chris smirked and looked from Roy to Riza. "Take care of each other. I'll drop back later. Is there anything I can pick up either of you."

"Real food would be good." The General rubbed his belly." Hospital food has no taste." 

"I'll do my best." Chris inclined her head and walked out the door.

Riza turned back to Roy. He seemed to be in good spirits this morning. She supposed seeing his aunt had helped.

He let his gaze linger on her face. "She was right. You're looking a lot less like you're about to keel over."

"I slept well, and it was nice to spend time with Rebecca."

"I was worried about you," he said gently. "I don't want you running yourself ragged. I won't have you sleeping here anymore unless you're on bodyguard duty, and if you're on the night shift, you're going home during the day."

"With all due respect, sir-"

"No. I have not had any other episodes, Lieutenant," he said gently." I don't need somebody by my bedside at all times. In fact, I don't need to be in bed all the time. Not that I don't want your company. Your company is-" He blushed slightly and took her hand." It's a balm for me. I just don't want to put your life on hold while we wait for the diagnosis."

She knew he had a point, but she wanted to be there for him. He was putting on a brave face - the one of General Roy Mustang- rather than the real one.

"Roy." His hand jerked slightly." I don't care if you don't need it. I want to be there for you. I was terrified I was going to lose you. I just would feel better with someone being there for you. But I promise I will make sure to go home and rest."

"That's all I want. I don't want you suffering for my sake."

"Well, I'm going to be with you when you talk to the doctor. So make sure you say that to them."

He smiled. "What would I do without you, Riza?" He squeezed her hand. 

"And I, you." She bit down on her lip to keep it from trembling. He didn't need to see her upset.

He squeezed her hand once more and let it go. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself. He would be fine. He was Roy Mustang. 

He sat back against the pillows and pouted. "I need to get out of this bed, Hawkeye. Something more than brief outings to the bathroom or down the hall." 

Her lips twitched upward. "It's for your own good, sir. You're supposed to be taking it easy." 

A devilish grin on his face, he said, "I have an idea."

Crossing her arms, she sighed. "I'm not going to like it, am I?"

"It's just a walk in the grounds." He threw back the sheets and swung his legs out of bed. "I need some fresh air. Some sun on my skin. I feel like I'm in prison here." 

"We'll take the wheelchair."

"Don't be ridiculous; I am perfectly capable of walking there and back. I'm not an invalid, nor am I a child. There's nothing wrong with my legs." He tilted his head slightly to the right and cocked his eyebrow. "C'mon, Lieutenant; I know you can protect me."

"My most challenging job is protecting you from yourself, sir." 

"But you'll come with me, won't you? You promised into hell."

She rolled her eyes. "I will, but only if you promise to go back if you feel poorly."

He held out his pinky. "Pinky promise?"

She shook her head. "You are incorrigible."

With a smirk on his face, he dropped his hand. "I take comfort in the fact that I amuse you."

He was wearing a pair of his pyjamas, and he put on a dressing gown over them. Riza doubted he would be willing to go outside if he was still in the hospital. Havoc had fetched the pyjamas from home, but she didn't remember him bringing a dressing gown. 

"Chris brought it for me," he explained." And an extra pair of pyjamas." He gestured towards the pile of papers." I noticed all you bought me was paperwork. You ought to be ashamed." 

"Ah, so that's the real reason for the escape, huh? C'mon then before I change my mind."

_To be continued..._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I should leave this as a one-shot or if I should explore it more.


End file.
